How to Build Self-Esteem and Actually Believe in Yourself.

Self-esteem isn’t something you either have or don’t—it’s something you build over time. And let’s be real, life doesn’t always make that easy. Maybe you’re struggling with self-doubt, feeling stuck in negative self-talk, or comparing yourself to everyone else. The good news? Research shows that self-esteem can be strengthened with the right habits and mindset shifts.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth: What’s the Difference?

Before we dive into the how, let’s clear this up: self-esteem and self-worth aren’t the same.

• Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on achievements, abilities, and external validation. It can fluctuate depending on circumstances.

• Self-worth is the belief that you matter simply because you exist—it’s not tied to success, failure, or other people’s opinions.

Research from Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert on self-compassion, shows that people with higher self-worth tend to be more resilient, less anxious, and better at handling setbacks. So while boosting self-esteem is great, the real goal is to develop unwavering self-worth.

1. Challenge Your Inner Critic

That little voice in your head that says you’re not good enough? It’s lying. A study from the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry found that people who actively challenge negative self-talk experience higher self-esteem over time.

Try this:

• Catch yourself when you start thinking, I always mess up or I’m not good enough.

• Ask: Would I say this to a friend?

• Reframe it: Instead of I’m terrible at this, try I’m still learning, and that’s okay.

2. Set Small, Achievable Goals

Confidence comes from proving to yourself that you can do things. Research from Dr. Albert Bandura, the psychologist behind self-efficacy theory, shows that completing small, manageable goals builds belief in your abilities, which naturally strengthens self-esteem.

Start small:

• Make your bed every morning.

• Drink more water.

• Finally send that email you’ve been avoiding.

The more little wins you rack up, the more you reinforce the belief: I’m capable.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s easy to feel like everyone else has it all together—especially on social media. But studies show that social comparison is directly linked to lower self-esteem (Personality and Individual Differences Journal).

Instead of measuring yourself against others, focus on:

• How far you’ve come in the last year.

• What you like about yourself (beyond looks—think personality, kindness, resilience).

The more you focus on your own journey, the less other people’s highlight reels will mess with your confidence.

4. Surround Yourself with the Right People

A 2022 study in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that having a strong support system is one of the biggest predictors of high self-esteem. If you’re constantly around negativity or criticism, it’s going to wear you down.

Seek out:

• Friends who hype you up.

• A therapist who reminds you of your worth.

• People who encourage your growth, not your self-doubt.

5. Take Care of Yourself (It’s Not Just About Looks)

Your physical and mental health are directly connected to self-esteem. Research from The American Psychological Association shows that regular exercise, good sleep, and proper nutrition all contribute to a more positive self-image.

Taking care of yourself isn’t about vanity—it’s about reinforcing the belief that you deserve care.

Building self-esteem isn’t about perfection—it’s about learning to accept and appreciate yourself as you are. And more importantly, remembering that your worth isn’t tied to success, mistakes, or what anyone else thinks. The work you’re doing to believe that? That’s just the icing on the cake.